It’s been about two weeks since I was unceremoniously dumped via email by my partner of nearly three years. As you might imagine, I’ve found myself immersed in the artwork and wisdom of people like Mari Andrew, including the picture above. (PS: Mari has a book out that you can buy, if you’re also inspired by her–check it out here!). In these two weeks, I’ve begun to learn the truth of what she says above. Breaking up with a partner–or being e-dumped by them, as it were–is probably the best way to get a sense of who that someone really is. But it’s also an extraordinary time of learning a bit more about who you really are.

So, what have I learned (or rediscovered) about myself in these two weeks?

For starters, I still love to write, and I still think I’m pretty decent at it. I have this break up to thank for finally getting around to starting this blog! I am grateful to have a creative outlet that moves and inspires me. To be able to take all of these competing feelings and emotions bouncing around in my soul and process them through writing is a blessing.

I’ve been reminded that I have the greatest family and friends in the world. The outpouring of love and support that I’ve received has been amazing. One guy may have crushed my heart, but I’ve been graced by more examples of unconditional love these past two weeks than I’d felt in my relationship in a long time.

I’ve grown prouder of my vulnerability and emotional openness. I am, admittedly, an emotional person–which sometimes lends itself to a volatility that certainly didn’t benefit my relationship and that I’ll own. But in its best form, that emotionality is one of the greatest parts about myself, and a part I’m learning to truly love. I’ve been pretty open about the ups and downs of these two weeks, and it’s been so affirming to see my friends and family react to that vulnerability with respect and admiration.

I’m handling this process in a way that’s much healthier and positive than any breakup or heartbreak I’ve been through in the past. I’ve learned that I have grown immensely since that fateful night in August 2016 when I met him. I understand now that being bitter or petty in the wake of something awful like this may feel good temporarily (and may be healthy, in small doses and without hurting anyone else), but that ultimately it is self-defeating. We have to be in control of our own happiness and our own healing, and we can’t be if we make our good feels dependent upon someone else’s reaction. It’s hard, but that’s something that I’m prioritizing, and that reflects huge personal growth.

I’ve begun to remember that I can be happy with myself. That I have a lot to be proud of–that I am a caring, reflective, empathetic person; that I am strong; that I have a great capacity for forgiveness; that I have dreams and passions, and they are valid; that my imminent graduation from law school truly is a great achievement. Also that I have a lot to work on–controlling my emotions so as not to overwhelm others or undermine my own true feelings; accepting and loving others for who they are, without any resistance or attempt to change parts of them; being more flexible with plans and remembering to just enjoy the ride; learning what tools I have to minimize my insecurities without reliance on anyone else. And I’ve learned that I deserve to be with a true partner who will recognize and cherish those strengths while helping me continue to grow in the areas that need more work.

Who really am I? Someone with many great qualities and aspects worthy of pride, who also makes ton of mistakes and has lots of room for growth, but nevertheless is worthy of love, respect, and compassion. Just like each and every one of us. Even the ones who dump us via email.